Gwendolyn, Eastern Coast. Blogging since 2010. Old posts aren't deleted ― there’s a reason why they were posted; whether they are relevant or no longer relevant, they will remain a part of who I am. So here are my flaws, wounds and failures, my passions, triumphs, and victories for the world to see -- I'm giving my secrets away in hope to inspire others. "I do not own any of the photos posted unless stated otherwise"* – enjoy, xoxo –
Before trying to get back or even with somebody, remember who you can hurt in the process.
Siento la Gloria de Dios como nunca antes. En sueños, revelaciones, partes y en medio de mí adoración. Verdaderamente creo que Dios está levantando una generación de Jóvenes y niños cón una hambre por Cristo y en disposición a sufrir por Su causa.
I love my new friends but terribly miss the old. People don’t understand how my type of love works. They think they’re long forgotten in my mind, they interpret my silence as ignorance, and my low-esteem as betrayal. If I feel like my love is not worthy of yours, I step back. I step away not because I’m being disloyal but because sometimes I’m not deserving. We all have those moments. And under that same state I lost contact and felt too distant to try. But people always misread withdrawal with being forgotten, misinterpret my isolation with abandonment. There is much more than you think you know, I mask the tsunamis of thoughts drowning my mind with smiles and giggles and the “i don’t care” countenance. So don’t you dare judge me and tell me I was a bad friend, because you don’t know how I miss you, or the prayers that depart from my mouth to God in your favor, because you don’t know half of it.
I don’t want a perfect life nor a perfect future. I don’t want a perfect Job at a multimillion dollar company and I don’t want a big house with an ideal family who’s only preoccupation is to pay mortgage, car loans, and occasionally go on vacation. That’s conforming to what society deems “living the dream” and I refuse to accept that. My dreams are far too in-touch with humanity to have any of the mentioned. I worked as an intern at Gilbane and I realized it’s not what I want. I don’t want to dress up everyday, wear make up to try to uphold a perfect image, go to work, have petty conversations with hierarchy people about my weekend, hear about how they went golfing or on a cruise and go home and continue its routine. There is much more to life than being consumed in a fictitious world where everything is in place.That is the problem. We as humans have the tendency to wear a social veil and refuse to look at the world’s increment in corruption, homelessness and deteriorating morals bc we don’t feel personally responsible. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion of course, but we were placed on this earth to govern it and not govern each other. The world is full of souls who are hurting, starving, in need of a Godly spiritual encounter and it burdens my heart with guilt to think “it is not any of our business”. The person next to me is my neighbor and the atoms once part of his body intertwine with mine and on to my other neighbor, the next body beside me; we pertain to each other. I want a future and job where I know I can be real with myself, with God and know that I have responsibilities and can uphold and fulfill the mission I was called for. I don’t want to entertain the idea that success equals money and money equals happiness because it doesn’t. I want to live my life knowing I have helped everyone I could, a very aware life of everything that surrounds me. I don’t want perfect, I want real and raw.